How to be friends with your ex reddit

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• May mga ex ako na di ko kayang makipag friends. You realize you both have love for each other, and you’ve accepted that you can’t be together. Oh, we also live on opposite sides of the country and it's still weird when we meet up. Typically it doesn’t work out that way though, and the two just go their separate ways. It helps her gradually adjust with the idea of a life without you. A lot of people think it's abysmal behaviour, and a lot of others don't care. Doing so can ruin future relationships because of cheating so yeah, save yourself a problem and just get over your ex and live your life. So long as the guy and his ex had good boundaries (didn't hide things, weren't super touchy feely, didn't act more emotionally intimate than you would expect with good friends) I'd have no problem with it. 4 years later they’re “just friends. My ex also had that expectation and became very reactive to the idea of me rejecting the friendship. Women can be friends with an ex, and the door to anything more will be closed forever. If you meant the same thing for each other (first love for example) it’s easier because you’re on the same length. Casual, impersonal stuff like that is the most I'd want. Even if you keep being friends with her you'll just end up being hurt as hell and she won't feel anything because she doesn't like you the same way you do. I do love him, and he loves me, but not in a romantic sense. Back story: So while I was in a relationship with my abusive ex (who was also my best friend), I stopped being friends with a lot of people. BowBeforeGilgamesh. If you ended the relationship based on reasons that wouldn’t be dealbreakers in a friendship such as not wanting kids, not being sexually compatible, or having different plans Define "friends". ”. Civility. It's a big place, and there are a lot of super people in it. I told people that hey, maybe you COULD get back together with your ex if whatever was holding you guys back is gone. There are way more people out there, and nothing makes you more powerful than saying “no. It shows your ex that you are willing to settle for less than what you want. Practicality. Literally, in that most people don't stay friends with their ex's parents. Reply reply. she’s so damn vindictive for no reason, starts insulting my friends and my family. Walk away and live your life, let them live theirs. Also, as many people have stated, communication is the best option in this situation - you need him to understand how you feel in all of this (this was my biggest mistake, since i didn’t communicate at all what I was feeling. I personally have stayed friends with exes and not. We're still at that age…. “I would be okay to go out to dinner with my ex partner and her new boyfriend/fiancé. It's not up to you. We are best friends and coparent fantastically well. Making new friends, trying to deepen the friendships you have with current friends or maybe going to therapy can help you a lot. It will keep the pain fresh and give you false hope. It relieves your ex of their guilt. My advice is to become distant & they'll get close, seem busy but be available, get fit, dress your age, & fuck like just met. Things just didn’t work out. For me, this level of understanding came a long time after I broke up with my first love. 28. Upvote. hi um im kinda irrelevant but my ex broke up with me and we weren’t contacting each other for like six months until recently when she keeps randomly starting arguments with me and like starting to get my friends to be against me. One must be able to say. thedarkinvader19. Thanks for replying! Friends who remain friends with your abuser. "Most of Plus, new partners will not appreciate your ex hanging around and calling and you thinking about him or him thinking about you. Depends on the ex, why you broke up, and what the friendship entails. Like f that noise. It’s all contingent on your situation and how you both handle emotions. Yes, you can be friends with your ex. she’s the one who replaced . If you stand firm with the belief that you are making the right move, Earnshaw suggests replying to their fears by saying,“I We would like to show you a description here but the site won’t allow us. Staying friends with your ex. Zamboni27. The most I'd like would be congratulatory or birthday texts every once in a while, and asking impersonal questions. You have to let go of your ego though - which is pretty hard for most of us. I'm divorced and have two kids with my ex wife. Yes, it is perfectly ok to be friend with your ex's friends. 53K subscribers in the AnxiousAttachment community. Since then, we both had new relationships and were fine, we are talking openly about our dating life etc. Nope. Once again, be respectful but don’t tolerate it. Some of us just valued the friendship and can be normal around each other. Before you jump into a friendship with your ex, Dr. Being friends does not mean u hangout regularly, but you know, being civil and respecting each other would be enough. Be friends in good faith if it's possible or move on, give them space. People saying they just want to stay in touch and remain platonic friends are coping. Men only put time into a woman he hopes to sleep with. If you are able to maintain good rapport with your ex, it’s a good indication of good personality. Tl;dr: is being friends with your ex after a period of time has passed a bad idea? It depends on a lot of different things. We have been friends for over ten years now. We have all the same friends that we grew up with and are very close knit with—do everything together, spend every weekend together, go on trips etc. Now i'm best friends with my first ex. Your ex might think you want to get back together when all you really want is to be friends. I am going no contact with him in order to move on from my romantic feelings. If you are on good terms with your ex and both of you agree to remain as friend, I don’t see the problem. We both want to stay friends because we deeply care about each other but we also have to be around each other for the next 3 years. If somebody only has explosive, high-conflict, can't-be-in-the-same-room-with-them breakups, that suggests they might have a hard time dealing with conflict and might have a tendency to explode relationships rather than end them. HappySod. Nope f that. In my experience it's incredibly hard to be close after a break up. It fucks me up and makes it hard to move on. I avoided listening to the weary advice of loved ones who were telling me that it wasn't a good idea, thinking to myself "well, I'm Everybody is different. I AM friends with other exes, as they were good people when we started dating and still are. I suppose. Sep 8, 2022 · 18) Resist the temptation of touching and flirting. Some people just aren't able to be friends with an ex because of past feelings, some people change after breakups and the friendship isn't compatible, etc. Ninang pa ng daughter ko. And every guy you date knows this. 3. Yes. ago • Edited 4 yr. Same goes to me, she treat me like shit when she dumped me long ago. It’s not easy at times, but I don’t regret our relationship, and don’t think it would be fair to either of us to damage the relationships we have between mutual friends Reply reply Home So my ex “threaten” him with if he doesn’t go download this specific app and make new friends, my ex will come to his house and do whatever he was gonna do to him. It can work to be friends on rare occasions! I have been friends with my ex since we broke up in 2014. I've never stayed "good" friends with an ex before. But for most breakups, there is a ton of bad blood in talking about your current dating/sex/SO. ago. Still associating with people you have slept with is a huge red flag and a liability. You cannot be friends with someone you still have feelings for you will only end up hurt. - you will probably see or hear about your ex flirting with someone else, or worse, sleeping with them. But. Ouch. To answer your question, he definitely cared, but he probably realized he no longer see's a future with you for whatever reason that I don't know, maybe you do if you guys spoke about that. Despite that he said he did not want things to be over. Even with people I had been friends with since childhood. Award. But for the love of yourself, you should really give the rest of the world a try. 9. Expert Opinions. Although personally, I feel if it is the latter, I would not stay friends…imo it would add unnecessary stress/make my future partner uncomfortable if i had exes around with lingering feelings/hopes they’ll get back together. But it may be weird if you and your friend form a couple, so it depends on how close your friends are with your ex. If you want him in your life you might want to distance yourself from him for a while to heal from break up and get over him. Isa lang sa ex ko (5 years kami bago magbreak-up) ang naging friend at close ko pa din hanggang ngayon. I wish we could still be actual friends because he's a great guy and we were best friends before we the bottomline is, being friends is only possible when firstly, you’re over her meaning theres no jealousy or anything when she moves on and dates someone new. If someone treated you like shit you should NOT be friends with them. my ex asked me to be friends Even though I'm friends with an ex, I wouldn't recommend it for 99% of people. My ex and I are on "friend" terms and there are still hella feelings. Downvote. 0 reason to be friends with your ex's in my opinion, they don't fit into your long term life, you have a physical attraction for them that's not going to go away, at least from a male perspective, and you basically end up in a sexless relationship with someone, no thanks. from meeting someone that will not be happy with just being friends. He asked for breakup sex and I said no. To give y'all some background: I was friends with my ex for 1. I'm still friends with one of my ex's and tons of my friends are, mainly because we're in the same social circles and didn't want to make things awkward. Given the chance, your ex will still hit. 1. Wondering if they'll contact you or if you'll get back together in the future. That sounds super unhealthy. Yeah, it's risky, but that's what love is. Gotta let that shit go when you're ready. For me, this falls into the same category as somebody who swears that all their exes are crazy. •. It sucks, but that's the way it is. This distancing of people gave her the opportunity to abuse me because no one was there to see it. The first couple months were weird, but after that we got used to each other's company in a non-romantic way. Some individuals eventually move on, and one must be okay with that. Move on to your bright and shiny future free of that person's energy. You skipped a pretty obvious one: You and your ex should not talk about your romantic life with other people for a good long while. You lose your self-respect; they lose respect for you. According Here are some thinking traps I fell into often (more here ): Mind-reading and fortune-telling: Assuming you know what your ex is thinking. DO NOT be friends with her, you do not have to be friends with her at all and your boyfriend needs to understand he needs less of her in his life or you should get out. You truly want what’s best for the other person. I feel like you would benefit greatly of having a deep talk with somebody on a regular basis that is not your ex, just so you can talk about your situation in a judgement free zone. ex is in my friend group. We are supportive of each other's romantic relationships. Sep 14, 2022 · Listen to them. The main thing is you act like friends and don't fall into old habits (like getting too physically close), and are completely okay seeing them with a new person. Experts in relationship dynamics assert that a successful shift to friendship often requires an understanding of one's own emotional landscape as well as that of the ex-partner. I worked really hard to integrate into their friends, be open about our split to the friends group, and stay amicable with the ex. Dardashti urges you to give yourself some time to get over the romantic aspect of your relationship. He’s absolutely one of my best friends, but that’s all he will ever be. It’s okay to be close friends with your ex. so, i would say, as long as the boundary is absolutely clear and parties are aware, it’s okay to still be friends. We've been broken up for 4 years too. Never be friends with someone if you have secret hopes of getting back with them. For sure! That's a very good question. 2. If you check all the boxes above and feel ready to create a friendship with your ex, be prepared for that friendship to look much different than the relationship did. It benefits the kids immensely and it demonstrates that a split doesn't need to be nasty. I was with a guy in a situationship and after the feelings fizzled we still remained best friends. but some people aren't interested in being friends once a relationship is over. Giving you a false sense of security. You do not want to "always be there". My most recent ex claimed he was “friends” with his first love who broke his heart and cheated on him. Sure, but we had to get over each other first. No questions. Yes, alam ng gf ko. Oh no thats out of the table plus we are a group. Anxiety and Desire: It doesn’t matter whether you want to get back with your ex or not, by rejecting their idea of friendship and going NC, you force their brain to rewire Tbh I've never met anybody like myself unless they're rich or famous. You probably shared a lot of common interests and enjoyed spending time with each other. He has to put up with all of her negative traits too, and there are a lot of them, if I'm honest. If your definition of friends means every once in awhile you come across each other and have a friendly chitchat about the weather or smile at eachother- it's incredibly easy. 5 years before getting together for 6 months. [deleted] I am no expert but based on my experience you can still be in contact with an ex. I don’t really think most guys could maintain a friendship with a super cool good looking ex. If you start being friends with an ex crush, your old feeling will comeback and you'll feel bad. If you're on this sub, your ego is probably suffering a lot and I doubt very much that you'd be in shape to maintain a friendship with an ex. Not being friends with an ex doesn't have to be about hate, but if you want to be with someone new, you have to sever the old. You can still be friends with you ex. They are hoping that they can potentially move to a FWB situation (if they ended the relationship) or start the relationship up again (if she ended the relationship). dynamics change, the entire relationship changes - I understand you had deep meaningful conversations with him in the past, but I think you need to accept that he's moved on and you're not part of his life anymore. - it will stop YOU from meeting and seeing (with your heart) people that WILL want to be with you. This. To be friends with an ex, one needs to stop caring, stop caring about the romantic relationship. Being friends with your ex doesn’t mean you can flirt or get frisky with each other. And it was successful, for awhile. The same happened to me. Cut contact and cut thought-space. Guess who got dumped for her 🤨jokes on him though she ditched him round two. 4. They want security and the comfort of a relationship without the labels/commitment. Reply. because friends dont try to screw you, screw with you or screw you over Here are a few things that helped me. It shows your ex that you are not strong or confident enough to stand on your own two feet. I'm going to find someone else too. My ex's pace was way too fast for me and it even got to a point it drained me. mightymite88. As long as there's some space it seems to work out. I split up with my ex in June, we had no contact until mid October when we ran into each other at a bar, and we've been getting along great Why does your ex want to be friends? Encouragement. Our breakup was due to our differences in our life goals: He wanted lots of kids and white picket fence, I'm intending to stay childless and prefer a much more Test of character too because it shows how you are as a person and how you treated your partner during your relationship. There’s a reason why you dated. -1. Whether staying friends with them or not is appropriate kinda depends on how your ex feels about it. But it takes a lot of space, self work, and of course the desire from both parties to want to be friends. Saving up as much as I could to get back on my feet after a relocation made to preserve my mental health. Exes are from the past. It's not wrong, but make sure not to have any expectations. Im in the exact same situation as you now. You're their backup plan in the event their options don't work that well. He is my best friend today. It's only frowned upon because you're young and your friends have strong opinions. I guess it depends on the dynamic. They also had known each other their whole lives and both had moved on. Not with my last ex since she owes me $300 still and doesn’t seem like she’s going to pay it. Oct 5, 2022 · A study published in Personal Relationships showed that people choose to remain friends with their exes for four reasons: Security. omaolligain. Like we'd still get along and all, but due to tensions or old feelings, never really call or text each other or hang out one-on-one. Yes you can stay friends and no you cannot. Just because nag-agree kayo to be "friends" eh balik na sa dati and you'll get the same treatment from your ex. advice? [new] hi there! my ex and I were best friends for the last decade and dated about 4 years. You are worth so much more than that. If you can be friends with an ex, you either never loved each other or still do. It wasn’t just about moving on; it was about growing and nurturing a new kind of relationship with my ex. Share. He's not getting anything I haven't gotten. So just be cordial and polite and grit your teeth until you get another job. Best way to be friends with your ex is: Don't. Unresolved romantic desires. Someone that is so crazy about YOU, that friends simply won't do. They seek validation and boosting their ego knowing they'll always have you wrapped around their fingers. secondly, she needs to be friend material ie. You can be friends with your ex, but only after a period of time apart, and only if both sides want it. My (21f) fiancé (21M) isn’t fond of the idea that one of my closest friends is an ex (24M) from a couple We ended on pretty good terms and he understood why I got to this point and said he saw it coming but did nothing. I wanna reiterate point 1: he was always genuinely nice, kind, polite and honest, he just didn't have the capacity to maintain a romantic relationship. Before we dated, we promised to be a part of each other's lives. I once dated a guy who was super best friends with a girl he had slept with for nearly a year. Be friends with someone whose vaginal canal you haven't explored. It worked in my case, but definitely won't work in all. A space for people who struggle with an anxious attachment We would like to show you a description here but the site won’t allow us. If they offer then they really do not care about how you will feel after. And I'm not really sure if it's healthy for you because it might not really help you get over her. My ex and I weren’t together when I moved in, but I knew he was anxious for any opportunity to have me close, thinking he would get another shot. But in my opinion there's nothing wrong with friendships with exes. 5. God knows the world needs more love. For some people. Ex wants to be Friends with Benefits. So, for years I thought that staying friends with exes was fine and a great idea. But after we both break up, she reach me out quite a few times and always treat me nicely. However, I tried to communicate with him and figure it out, but we never could. radenke. Be friends with as many people as you can, even exes. basically dumpers want to be friends to either alleviate their guilt and/or use you as a backup plan or rainy day option. In fact, you owe her nothing and you should focus on yourself instead. Depends on WHY they’re an ex. 9/10 times I dunno if I’d trust this. Most people want to be "friends" with their ex because they feel they can some how manipulate them back to dating by seeing and talking to them still. Always hold onto your friends who care for you and treat you well with no jealousy and insecurity. In hindsight, despite the sex and attention, we felt more like good roommates or siblings (as weird as that is). For starters, it might send the wrong message. I understand if you are still in love with you ex and you are with someone Don't be friends with an ex. There are no residual romantic feelings, if we still loved each other in that way we would still be together. It's often hard and like everybody has said on here: you need a long break from talking in order to change a relationship into a friendship. Yeah, it's weird. Guessing at their motivations or the "real reasons" they broke up with you. I’ve seen a lot of people get mad when they find out people are friends with their ex’s, but I don’t understand why. You can stay friends, but it’s unlikely that you’ll be buddies that want to hang out over the long term. It's not impossible pero depende sa situation. Shit man, who knows how long this will last. If he becomes adamant about maintaining the friendship, quietly start backing away. You can't leave open ends like that and expect to fully commit to someone new. My friend didn’t like that, so next day my friend tried to talk to him but my ex wasn’t having it and said that he wasn’t friends with him anymore. In the end they'll just give you some bullshit reasons to stop Yes, people stay friends with their ex-spouses. beerbellybee • 2 yr. I have an ex that I’m super close with and we’re really really good friends now. For example, whether the breakup was mutual or not, whether there is still some amount of sexual attraction on one or both sides, etc. There’s no way you can be friends with your ex when you have any feelings. And usually the reason is not staying as friends. I have a friend who for a long time we wanted to date and never did. Seriously, unless you have children together and need to co-parent, there is no reason to keep some ex hanging around. DON'T be friends with them. I do want to be friend with her, but I still love her. And I still, in part, believe that, if, say, the issue is distance and you two end up in the same area. Just because you want to be friends, doesn't mean she wants to be friends. • 2 yr. Obviously there are exceptions to this but I think no contact is the best way to get over a breakup. Neither my wife nor I are connected in any way to our exes. If you split on good terms then it shows emotional maturity to be able to stay friends. Anyone who is insecure about your other friendships and relationships isnt worth having around. Staying friends makes getting over them a lot harder. I am making a conscious effort to do no contact with him due to his He needs to stop wanting her attention because he has you to give him all the attention he needs now. Jan 25, 2017 · First, give yourself some time. After we broke up, we didn't talk to each other for over a year, but were able to become friends afterward. I really don't think our relationship just as a friend will ever work if i do have feeling with her. No. Awkward_Criticism446. Dumpees rarely want to be friends. If your ex is a good person they will know it will just fuck you up more and not even offer that. This is the correct answer. It can work out great if the circumstances are such that there is no major baggage to de Out of respect for you, he needs to block and delete. We would like to show you a description here but the site won’t allow us. Not every ex partner is waiting in the wings for sexual encounters. Hey . Sure. The best thing to do is to try to ignore her as much as possible because when you do see her the feelings regarding but the relationship come forward to you again. I split from my ex (together for over a year,) close to 6 months ago and we're definitely still friends and play games together at least 1x a week with our larger circle of friends. Dude, this is 99% of the time a bad idea. So long story, me and my ex met almost a year ago and we got together in December and broke up in February, I’m really glad we broke up because we haven’t gotten to know each other a lot better and we opened up more, 15 M and 15 F btw, anyway most of my family except my grandpa which I stay with a lot If it really upsets him that badly it might be in best interest of the relationship to give the friendship up but that is only a decision that you can make. I’d say that meeting the ex and making sure their relationship is purely platonic is a plus. • 4 yr. My Ex and I were close friends before we started dating. It’s been 21 years since I broke up with my ex, similar situation, we lived together for 2 years, nothing huge wrong but we just wanted different things in life. Else you are setting yourself up for unnecessary heartache. They're going to have sex, but I've already been there literally 100's of times. Most of the time, people who want to be friends with their exes are looking for a chance to get back. But if you want to be, I suggest taking YEARS to get to this point. I had to live with an ex at a particularly tough time in my life. I told him we can try to be friends because I still care about him and I didn’t want to fully lose someone whose been my best friend for 2 years. Being friends is unnecessary, unhelpful, fraught with the potential for emotional fuckage and can be damaging to future relationships if one of you still holds a light for the old relationship. I'm friends with one ex and no contact with another. Your breakup seems to have been mutual, so it's probably not as big of a deal. But I am one of those guys so maybe your guy is too. Remove her number, remove her facebook/whatever social media you share, remove all your pictures together and move on. I wasted a good 6 weeks being "there for her" until I cut her off completely and moved on. Your friends clearly are a little behind you in the realization that it doesn't matter, but as you get older people will be more on your side. I’m friendly with both my ex-wives as we share children, but not FRIENDS per se. Like, I had an ex message me on Facebook asking about my university experience because his younger brother was considering my school. Now, this is where I considered myself the success story. If you can feel okay seeing them date others,you know you have moved on and can be just platonic friends. Maybe you should take their worries into account. Some people will just never meet couples who have done this because often a marriage breaks down with massive fights, cheating, incredible tensions, etc instead of just both participants realizing they should not have been married in the first place or grew apart. having good values such as consistency, honesty, integrity etc. Until this year. 8. 6. If the situation that broke you up changes, you can always call them up and ask them out, you don't need to be hovering around as "friends" in the mean time. • 3 yr. vh jm nn po jm sz bz jb hv ay